toby asks: i work with an assistant, who is much cleverer than me. it is her birthday on saturday. she recently publicised the fact of her coming birthday in the daily office infoemail thingy. how should i react?
firstly, toby, congratulations on the happy and healthy arrival of a baby sister for alex. i hope you are all well and that i get to see you all soon.
secondly, apologies for the tardiness of my response which will no doubt reach you after the birthday in question. i hope that i do not find you wracked with indecision. if, however, you are so wracked then this may be of use.
the nature of the assistant and assisted relationship is commonly misunderstood. you have, however, demonstrated a rare insight in acknowledging that your assistant is cleverer than you. it is difficult to imagine how someone who is less clever would be of much use as an assistant. the fact that those who have assistants are usually seen to be more important or powerful than those doing the assisting is often confused for the assisted being clever.
assistants always know this.
the publication of the pending anniversary is a form of sport. a challenge to the assisted.
so, in these circumstances a gift is essential as the assistant is fully aware that, despite the relative degrees of cleverness, this is not refelected in your relative wages. i would recommend a gift that reminds your assistant that cleverness cannot overcome all obstacles.
to this end something along the lines of diving with sharks, tiger-wrestling or any activity with an inherent level of danger is recommended. this will be widely viewed as a thoughtful and imaginative gift. the assistant will not want to be seen as rude and not take up this kind present, but will be surely reminded that, despite their level of intelligence, you still call the shots.